literally had 100 drinks last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
