Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
