Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
