When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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