I accidentally had phone sex last night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
