I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
