is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
