Rock
Scissors
Fuck
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
