dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
