who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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