I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
