My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
