omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize