He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
