So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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