when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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