apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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