I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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