are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
