The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
