i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
