mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
