guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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