The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
