dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
