Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
