1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
