He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
