I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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