so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
cat food counts as protein by the way
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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