How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Randomize
