Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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