btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
