just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
