maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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