Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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