I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
