yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
