haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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