I puked a lego.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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