I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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