We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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