She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
