You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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