when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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