I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
