It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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