We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
