i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
