I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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