i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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