I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
