Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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