Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
