What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
