3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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