you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
