i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize