I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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