When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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