mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
