i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
