if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
