you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
