Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
