You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
