At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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