I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
