i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
