I want to have your abortion
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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