You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
