You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your cock deserves a montage
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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