hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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