if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
