my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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