There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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